The summer of 2007 was stressful. My father's health was failing and I spent some time helping out with him in Florida, where he lived with my sister. I was 48 years old and experiencing perimenopause. I had been skipping periods for about a year, normal for my age group. When I got back to Nebraska from Florida, I threw myself back into my work and never dreamed that life as I knew it was about to change.
I have no children. I was never able to conceive due to hormonal and autoimmune issues. That is what makes this story that much more incredible. During this time my doctor decided to up my hormones and we believe this is what made my fertility change.
In June I noticed that every time I took a shower, the warm water would hit my forehead and cause extreme sinus pain. My doctor attributed this to sinus issues. I had to start taking showers in coolish water. I also noticed a burning in my nipples and thought this was just due to menopause issues. In August my husband noticed my breasts were larger. In fact, I had to get a larger size bra. Of course he was delighted, but for some reason I was embarrassed. By now, a younger woman would have known she was pregnant, but I was menopausal and had never been able to get pregnant so it just never occurred to me. I also noticed a pressure on my bladder and an increase in urination. In October I flew to Florida again to help out with my Dad and noticed I could not walk very far without bladder pressure and the need to urinate. I resolved to see my doc when I got back to Nebraska. As soon as I got back I made an appointment to see my doctor, which was the first week in November. When I had my appointment I told my doctor that either I had a tumor or I was magically pregnant. ( I was kidding of course). He put me into the dreaded stirrups and said it was time to do a pap anyway so he would take a look. My husband was with me in the exam room. The doctor did not look very long and excused himself and left the room. My husband said to me "don't you think that is strange?" I said "what"? He said "he never did the pap smear". Well I can tell you that we started to get nervous then. I had visions of cancer so bad, it was visible to my doc. I still never dreamed what was going to happen next.
My doc came back into the room and looked really pale. He sat down next to me and said, you are pregnant. I said "what??!! You are kidding right?". He assured me he was not kidding and told me he thought he saw hair. He asked me when my last period was and I told him I had a small four day period in September. It really was just some random spotting and bleeding for about four days and since I had been skipping periods and they were ALL strange, I really did not think anything of it.
He told me that I was a centimeter dialated and that he thought I would miscarry that very day. My husband and I were sick and horrified. I had never even dreamed I would be pregnant, let alone miscarry.
My doctor said I should go home and wait. I of course would not even hear of it. I said isn't there anything we can do? He calculated that I was only about a month and a half along by my period date. He said that we could go find out exactly how far along I was then talk more, so he made an emergency appointment at an ultrasound place at a hospital in a neighboring town. He told us our child would be about the size of a bean. My husband frantically drove us there at 500pm. We were not sure how to feel at all. I was excited and terrified all at once. We decided to pick a name for our baby because we did not want him passing through this life unnamed. We made the appointment and when the tech showed us our baby on the screen I immediately started to cry. There on the screen was an obviously advanced baby. Perfect in every way and waving hello to us. It was the most profound experience of my life. Our child. We made him and did not even know he was there. This was no early formed bean. The tech estimated him at 21 weeks gestation. He also said that I was six centimeters dialated. This made his birth imminent. How could I not know? I just could not understand it. Everything seemed to make so much sense now. The fatigue, the fluttering movement I thought was gas, and the pressure on my bladder. He also told us we were having a boy. A boy!!! Oh my god! My husband and I were in shock and more afraid than we have ever been. We raced back to my doctor to give him the results of the ultrasound. My doctor had the saddest look on his face and told us our son was not destined to survive and would be born soon. He checked us into our little local hospital to await our son's birth.
My husband chose his name. Robert after my father who was very ill, and James after my husband Will's best friend.
To say we were afraid is an understatement. We felt the most intense fear possible. I told my husband that I did not fall in love with my child to lose him so quickly. My husband could have sat by my side and waited, but he was not ready to give up without a fight. He called the Mayo clinic to find out options. They said we could be flown there or find someone local My husband called the University of Nebraska hospital and found the best high risk pregnancy doctor. When he called Dr Smith, he told him I was 21 weeks and six centimeters dialated. Dr Smith told us to come in an ambulance right away. It was an hour plus drive to go there and my doc volunteered to come along for the ride in case I gave birth along the way. I tried not to worry, really I did, but I could not help thinking how this was the one thing I had wanted most of my adult life and now I was about to lose it. I just wanted to fight for my son's life.
When we arrived I was taken to the delivery ward and Dr Smith met me and did a very painful exam.(NOT the normal pap speculum, I called it the jaws of life, which Doc Smith just loved) The instrument he used to see my cervix felt like I was being ripped apart down there. He told us that I was NOT 6 cent. dialated that I was only 1, and that changed everything. My son had a chance. He also told me I had a condition known as incompetent cervix. A condition where the cervix is too lax in it's job. It will not hold a growing baby in. He said we could just sit and wait ,treating me with massive antibiotics to avoid infection, or we could do a rescue cerclage.
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